POEMS FOR LOGAN

I guess I lied. My first real post is 2 of my better poems from after Logan grew his wings. Don't hurt me! I have been stressed lately. I was meandering around Logan's site today and forgot that these were on there, so I STOLE them off my site! I have had like a bagillion computers since I wrote these and couldn't remember which one I saved them on (yes, you read into that right...I keep my computers!)

My Baby Boy Logan
My baby boy Logan, I love you with all my heart
The day you left , I didn't want to part
I miss you more and more , with each passing day
Oh, What I would do , Just lay there and pray
I was blessed with 2 sons , To touch, to love, to hold
Then one day in January , You went home, I was told
At first I was irate with God, How dare He take MY son?
But then I did figure out, He doesn't do it for fun
As he reached out for your hand, The snow began to fall
His tears did flow for me, A perfect angel, He did call
You had a long life ahead, To play, to grow, to learn
Family who loves you, And wants you to return
Now all we have are memories, Of how you were back then
A smile that lit up any room, A life that should have been
Sometimes I'll catch your brother, Looking to the sky
Babble out a couple words, Then let out a tiny cry
Do you come to his dreams? I know you come to mine
We all miss you so much, 128 days, not enough time!
Not a minute goes by, That you don't cross my mind
Like when Camryn crawls, talks, or plays, All I can do is sigh
Some say I put on a good front, But that's exactly what it is
I put on a smile, and shake my head, And go about my biz
Sometimes I just can't function, But I still try my best
All I can think about, Is how I really was blessed
You may have left, Leaving your home and all your pain
But please believe me, Your short life was not in vain
I know someday , I will see you again
But please understand, That I don't know when
I've got a few years, Before I can hold you so tight
Rock you and kiss you, Each and every night
Until then,, Just hear this from me
You will always be MY Angel Logan, But, "Our Little E.T."

In Loving Memory of
Logan Ryan Godfrey
September 7, 2004
January 12, 2005
"Forever in our hearts"
"Forever in our thoughts"

This poem was written by me on November 11, 2005. I was having a bad day and picked up a notebook and a pecil and began to write. I have always been an avid writer, but was not able to write anything after Logan passed away. This is the first time I was able to think clearly in 10 months and all my feelings came out. This poem has been theraputic for me and I am hoping that it will help others who are in my position and not able to reach out.

"Logan Kisses"
Written 3-21-06

I wish you were here
For me to hold you so tight
I wish you were here
For me to kiss all night.

I wish you were here
so I could see your every move
I wish you were here
So I could kiss your every bruise

I wish you were here
so your brother could know you
I wish you were here
Like the little boy that I knew. .

My wishes will never come true
and I have come to understand
That all I can wish for
is that you'll guide your brother to be a man.

Now the only thing that I wish for
Is a kiss from above
A kiss that only I can feel
From the little boy that I love.

Some people call them "Angel Kisses"
Like a gentle breeze in the air
I'll name them "Logan Kisses"
From my little man up there.

Introducing myself

Hello. My name is Courtney. I love to write so I figured why not let everyone into my thoughts and publish a blog. I am 27 years old, married to the love of my life for 15 months now, a stay at home mother to 2 sons, and an Angel mother to 1 son. I am an Army wife and we are currently stationed in Fort Drum, NY. I won't be moving there with the kids until April 18th. Actually looking forward to moving.

A little about my children:

Camryn is my wild child. He will be 5 in September. He was my first true love! Camryn is smart, funny, and a dirty sponge! He is my lanky boy! I don't think his body knows how to gain weight (he could pass that gene onto me if he wants to be nice. I did teach him how to share!) He enjoys harassing his mother and irritating his father! He is an awesome big brother and keeps telling me that he wants a little sister (I think it's due more to the fact that he likes playing with dolls! Oh, well. I love him regardless!)

Logan is my Angel! He is actually my inspiration for this blog. Logan and Camryn are twins. He was sick from about 2 months until the day he joined all his angel friends in Heaven on 1/12/05. He was 4 months 5 days and 12 minutes old. Logan passed away from the flu and pneumonia. He was too young for the flu shot, but I will always blame the hospital for his death. If they had listened to me when I had him at the ER 2 nights before he died, I truly believe that he would be alive today bugging me just as much, if not more, than Camryn does! After Logan passed I went through somewhat of a "funk". I don't consider it a depression. Most days I was able to semi-function. Just enough to keep Camryn well and happy. More about him in my next post. I just want to introduce myself right now. If you want to learn more just visit Logan's webpage... http://loganmyangel.tripod.com/loganshomepage/

Holdyn is my baby! At least for the moment. We do plan on having at least one more soon. Holdyn is 16 weeks and a porker. He is my husband's first biological child, although he treats Camryn no different. Holdyn is a great baby and most of the time will allow me to sleep through the night.

One last thing...Camryn and Logan were born via C-Section due to Camryn being breech. After Logan passed I started doing a ton of research on lung illnesses and a few sites I visited had mentioned that many of babies born this way tend to have respiratory problems. I was bound and determined to birth my next child naturally. Just to mention...I DID!! Holdyn was my empowering VBAC. The boy has never had lung issues (yet he does have Rotovirus as I write! Vomiting and diarrhea galore. The whole damn family has it. At least Holdyn knows how to share.)

HA! I forgot my husband, Shawn. We have been happily married for 15 months, yet we have known each other for 7 years this coming July. We were best friends for 5 of those years before we even started dating. He is not the biological father of Camryn and Logan, but has been in Camryn's life for 2 and 1/2 years now. Shawn is a sargent in the United States Army. He is a former Marine, having been in for 5 years. Then in January of 2002, (a few months before I met him) he joined the Vermont Air National Guard to be closer to home. After the economy shit the bed, we realized that we needed a guaranteed paycheck to support our growing family, so we decided that he would enlist in Active Duty Army. So far, so good!

My first real post is going to be from the beginning of my "New Normal". We'll start there and see where it leads me!